wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
