If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
