No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
