You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
