I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
