Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he thought i was a dude.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
