I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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