you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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