He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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