he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
