So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
COCAINE IS GR8
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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