I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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