I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ok first of all what the fuck
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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