you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
