The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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