you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
