shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The air was thick with penises
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
