So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
