i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
