I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
