I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
