you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
