On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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