I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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