i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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