My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
