Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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