we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she pinky promised me she was 18
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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