Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
