I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
