Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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