After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
