I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
