I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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