he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
