He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
