yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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