Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
