It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
