Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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