i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
