Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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