just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
