Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
