I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
