So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
