By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
