Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
