The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
