i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
