It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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