then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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